I'm being pushed out...

So I've noticed that more and more people are being added onto the group of 4 that started out as my posse. Every once in a while, a new person would be added to emails. Now I think we are up to like 7. They seem to all congregate together at the YMCA or at Zumba classes. Me, I'm stuck at home, sick kids, pregnancy hormones and whatnot. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive cause of the hormones, but I think I'm being like "selected" out of the group. Which is soooo not cool. Making friends is hard enough, so when you think you've made a group of bitches you think you can be friends with and they end up not "liking" you anymore, it is so not cool. I wish we could move home and I could just take up with my old friends. But maybe I'm just a dinosaur who refuses to evolve and change with the times. All my friends seem to have made new friends, so should I right? I guess I just haven't found the right group of biotches. Whores. And all of this on the heels of me driving a group of them down to Albany for an overnight trip we are taking. I'm such a dickwad.

Flibbity jibbet

Apparently I missed the boat when it came to choosing a career. Working for a newspaper seemed fun, fast paced and exciting. Having all the pressure of deadlines and needing to work within the frame of writing something every day. Pishaw! I scoff at you. This magazine writing stuff is awesome. Once a month deadlines, relaxed writing styles, exciting topics. I did an interview for an article last week, and I'm not feeling stressed to sit down and actually write the article. I've got another two weeks or a week and a half before it is due. Goooood stuff. Very exciting. Though I do have to get my butt cracking on another article I am writing. If not, I have to produce something for Jenn so she's not down a story. Wouldn't want to string a bitch out or nothing.

Now Plattsburgh offers an actual magazine writing degree, or something like that, you can specialize in magazine writing like we specialized in print journalism, though our degrees are actually in English. How lucky this new crop of kids are. Writing is sooooo much more enjoyable for me now. I felt stressed under a deadline of a weekly paper, could you imagine if it were a daily that I ended up at? Oh my.

Must say, I lurves what I do. I even saw a copy of "my" magazine in the body shop where Derik works once a week. It was awesome, and I told the owner, hey, that's me! Holla!

Gooooooood Stuff. Working on an emotional high today cause we got out and did some outdoor activities, saw some good friends, made some plans and ate good food, healthy good. Ate a tangerine, a chicken breast sandwich and some BBQ chips, ok, not totally good, but you get the point!

Loves ya today!

I hate two faced bitches...

So I have this friend who, just about 5 months ago, had a severe "problem" with another acquaintance. Servere enough to the point that this "friend" threated to drop out of a group we all belong to if the acquaintance wasn't removed from her standing. We all jumped on the band wagon because the "friend" had been offened by what the other said, felt uncomfortable in her standing and was generally wronged. For months this "friend" had insulted, trash talked and commented on the acquaintances parenting. We all listened and agreed, because, again, this was our "friend" and we felt the need for solidarity.

Now, not five months later, the "friend" is all happy go lucky with the other person. They chat with each other on facebook, make happy comments and even spend time together. They are like best buddies. Meanwhile, this "friend" refuses to call me back when I call, won't return email, and generally is being a total whore! She is very two faced and i can't even believe I thought we would turn out to be real good friends. I mean, what's her problem? She started "working" again in our area, and now she's all up in everyone's face about doing this and doing that in her "area" of expertise. Except me. SHe doesn't even involve me. Now I'm thinking, "what the fuck did I do now to piss her off?" Cause she just stopped talking to me for some reason. Though she does include me in group emails and or invites.

what pisses me off even more, is we have a group that we enjoy our birthdays together and hers is next. So not only is it my turn to drive to this "birthday thing" but now I've gotta spend close to like 150 bucks for the birthday! and i'm all like "well if this bitch isn't talking to me, why the hell should I go???" maybe i can come up with an excuse but I don't think so. and it upsets me cause i'm friends with all the other people in the group. grrrrr.

maybe this "friend" will move like she's been saying she might. her husband works in and industry that isn't too permanent in this area, so maybe, oh maybe, her bitch ass will move and i wont' have to deal with her anymore.

PS - I changed information in case she reads this. but if she does, she will know who she is. and if she does, what the fuck bitch???

People Suck

Yeah, that's a common heading for a blog, but today I feels it hard, y'all.

My neice was born a little over a month ago. I'm trying to set up a time when I can take myself, my husband and my two children on a six hour trip so that we may meet little Emma. I asked my brother's girlfriend (yes, they are unmarried) if she could bring the baby over when we came down. I didn't want to take the long ass trip and not be assured that I would actually SEE this elusive child who seems to appear a lot on facebook with her other grandmother and other aunts. GF hadn't gotten back to me and the time was approaching for the trip, so I enlisted the mother of all mothers, mine.

Mother tells me this morning that GF told her last night "baby has dr appointment on the 16th and i"ll ask the dr if it is ok for baby to 'see' other people." Am I all of a sudden OTHER people? I mean do I not share like some percentage of DNA with this child, as well as my children? Am I not the child's BLOOD relative? I am her Aunt for chrissakes! Not to mention that there have been "other people" all over this child from birth. Many pictures, again on facebook, have surfaced with people who are obviously not realted to my brother's Irish gf (read: ETHNIC) holding little Emma. And by the way, she was much younger in these pictures. Emma also does not visit my mother. GF's mother is always babysitting Emma while brother and GF go out to shop and other stupid shit. Must be nice, I wouldn't know, I'm actually a GOOD parent, unlike GF who is a worry wart but will up and leave said child to go shopping for clothes that the kid doesn't in fact need.

So I'm done. I'm done trying to be the good Aunt. I'm done trying to be something to someone who obviously doesn't want me involved. GF got what she wanted from my brother - a baby to ease her ticking biological clock, since she is 31 like I am. Now she doesn't need us anymore. So mazel tov and enjoy your baby. Good luck when she starts teething and when no one else can take care of her. Enjoy her. It just makes me sad that my brother decided to pollute our DNA family ancestry shit with her DNA. Not like we are royalty or anything like that, but our family is at least loyal to each other, unlike GF.

PS - I haven't even gotten a picture or a birth announcement for my ONLY neice. Birth announcements aren't necessary, I didn't send them, but at least send ME a picture, I am one of the kid's Aunts.

In honor of Columbus...

So, as I was making my applesauce yesterday, I realized I was running out of cinnamon. Spoke to my friend who had a giganto cinnamon container from Sam's and she graciously offered to give me some. She gave me a bunch and I transferred it to my shaker jar thingie. But, as I was transferring, I spilled about a half tablespoon (or less) on the counter. I thought to myself, "Self, in the early days of Columbus and the spice trade, that spilled cinnamon would have cost more than what a family made in a year. People have killed and or died for that spice and now we just flaunt our abundance by carelessly spilling it on the counter. How many Native Americans, India Indians and other Asian peeps have died just to make my applesauce taste a bit spicy. Shame on you for forgetting history. Be more respectful of those who have come before you!"

Yeah, it's gonna be that kind of day. My inner voice needs to calm the f*#@ down. It's just amazing how something that was considered a luxury many, many years ago is now an afterthought, an "oh, let's see how this changes the flavor." Amazing what technology does. So thanks Columbus, thanks West Indies Trading Company, thanks Imperial Brittain, your efforts (and by that I mean genocide, and greed) have made me able to spice up my stuff. Huzzah!

Christian Mind F*$#

So, today I get a call from one of the council members of my church. I think it is something nice, like a request to teach sunday school or some shit like that. But no. In fact, it is a call to say basically that my family has been put on notice. My son, loud as his is, seems to be causing a disturbance in church for the 90 year old members of the congregation. Our family is one of the only ones with young children. In fact, we are the ONLY family with young children; the other child is a four year old and he's a grandchild, not a child. So now I feel unwelcome in the house of god. This upsets me mightily because until recently, I hadn't been a church goer or even a believer. I came to the Lutheran church because it was inviting, accepting and welcoming. Well, after these un-Christian activities, I don't think I'm going to that church anymore. That is sad, because the church congregation desperately needs an infusion of young families. Most of the congregation members are older, like senior citizen older, or have children that are grown. So, basically, no new familes and the church will die. Oh well. Guess, the children's service that the pastor was going to have this weekend is going to be missing a few, if not the only, children. There are "children" in the congregation, but the youngest is probably 8 or 9, which really isn't a child in my eyes. Those kids can sit quietly and listen. My son is 2 1/2 years old, so it is difficult for him to sit still and be quiet. The only way he is going to learn how to do that is by attending church, which we can't do because they don't want us there. What would Jesus do? Apparently, he'd tell you to piss off.

Holla! Like my neck tats? Me too...Pssst...they aren't real! WE had a blast at the baby's baptism party, and that included inking most of the guests. I got this neck tat and it looks awesome. I was honestly thinking of getting a real one, not as large, but possible one on my neck. If anything, I'd get one on my shoulder, left side, of a black spade. My dad had one on his forearm and it said "Jimmy, born to lose." Not the best thoughts, but the spade would be in honor of him. Still considering it, but I'm really liking the neck tats. So if one day you see me going all Kat VonD you'll know why.

Why do I feel like an ungreatful bitch?

It is hard for me to be able to accept help. I guess it is because whnever I asked for help as a child, or needed something answered, I was made to feel like a friggin idiot. SO, I never ask for help unless it is like absolutely the only way to get a job done. But lately, I've been having "help" thrust upon me. The family is up visiting for the baptism of the newborn one, and rather than just sit and spend time with the children, here is a list of things that have been done in the span of five hours:

- Barn, cleaned out, swept, reorganized (without me present, by the way. now that just raises my hackles 'cause I won't be able to find anything, there is a huge pile of shit i have to go through and now everything is back in the barn, pretty much where it was originally. fuckers)
-Screened in porch area cleaned, reorganized and sorted (again without me present, fuckers fuckers)
-Dismantling of a clothes line (I'm ok with that one.)
-Creation of a "work bench" (not ok with this one, now I am forced to spend money on plywood for the creation of said bench because the wood from the clothesline is not enough. fuckers, fuckers, fuckers.)

Now, these tasks took place today eventhough for four days my pool has been draining in preparation to be removed. I was hoping that an empty pool would not be standing in my yard, but hey, beggars can't be choosers right?

Now again, I'm extremely greatful for the help organizing and setting up and whatnot. But then you inconvenience me by sending me out on fool's errands for storage containers we don't need, can't afford and will NOT use. That pisses me off. So, I'm in a bind 'cause I don't want to be a bitch but I don't want to deal with this or the fighting that comes from it. Now I'm between two people, more, but really there are two players, most of you know of whom I speak. And it is sooo bloody annoying. Grrrrrr. SO I guess the moral is DON'T FUCKING ASK FOR HELP!

I wish I wasn't a retard when it came to numbers...

I've been reading every yahoo.com article I can find that deal with the economy. I've also been reading the Press Republican more lately, trying to get as much into the state of our finances as I can. But, I still feel like a retard. I can't understand all the terms and money and all the numbers they use. It confuses me. I think because I didn't like Obama to begin with, I'm completely against his budget and this stimulus package thing. Now with all that is coming out about AIG and the bull shit they are spewing about bonuses, I worry what the hell else I'm going to have to pay for over the next four years. I mean it is me that's paying for all this shit isn't it? Well, ok, not me, but Derik is paying for it with his tax money. The government is taking whatever percentage it is out of Derik's paycheck for federal taxes. Where do you think the money to bail out places like AIG, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac came from? I paid for those companies and the mistakes they made with their finances. Why do the CEO's and all these people who work for these companies deserve all this money? I shouldn't have to worry about whether I should buy a new car. But I do, because I know that taxes are going to go up because some douche over at AIG got a million dollar bonus for basically running the company into the ground. Now I'm not knocking bonuses. Most every year, Derik gets a nice check in March for profit sharing, and believe me, it is a nice check. More than once it has paid for our vacation that year. But it is contingent on the company performing and profiting. If GEICO don't do what it is supposed to do financially, Derik don't get squat and I don't get my Disney Vacay. Thankfully, Warren Buffet is a pretty smart dude, and usually he pays out. I must say, even the year after Sept. 11 when EVERYONE lost money, Buffet still gave his employees something. It was pretty nice to know he cares and shit. And Berkshire Hathaway is having a bad year this year. But you don't see Buffet asking the Gov't to bail him out.

Why do these executives get bonuses when their company is failing? If you have to borrow money to stay afloat, you ain't prospering. You ain't performing where you should be, ergo you ain't getting a bonus. But that's not how it works in CEO land. I just don't understand how this financial crap works. I mean, where is the money coming from to have a trillion dollar deficit? What the hell are we spending it on? I know we don't live too far above our means. Yeah, we aren't perfect, but we're not crazy either. So, why aren't these companies doing what I'm doing. Cutting back, making better choices, changing lifestyle? Oh right, they don't have to 'cause the Obama administration will bail them out. No worries.

It all seems like too much too fast. Fix what's wrong then work on improvements. People don't want to think about how good their healthcare will be in ten years. They want to have coverage now, and they want to be able to pay for it. Man, we are doomed.

Spring cleaning?

Soooo....For some reason, I've been in two moods lately:

1) Bitch of the East

Now for those of you who know me, this may not seem like something out of the ordinary. But in fact, I am even more bitchy than usual. I guess it must be the pregnancy hormones. Everything is setting me off lately. I nearly bit off the head of a three year old the other day. Though she prolly deserved it the damn whore! I have no patience for annoying people who tell me what to do. Again, same as usual, but now I'm really like pissing mad. Derik even commented that I've been really mean in the morning. Well f*&^ you Derik! I don't want to get up at 7:30 am but hey, I've got a job right....A maggot that refuses to sleep in his room and when he does in fact stay in his room for sleeping, he won't use the bed. The boy seems to enjoy sleeping in the doorway, or under the bed, or in the closet or in the rocking chair. Those are the combinations we've found so far. There maybe more but I dont' know. So the maggot likes to get up and immediately watch Elmo, but friends, Elmo doesn't come on til 10 am so until they we watch every other damn PBS Cartoon. Which is good cause they are actually kind of educational and fun. EJ can count from 5 to 10 correctly. He's like a genius and shit, and he must be part like Arab or something cause he understands the concept of zero. I must say though, this getting up early crap is quite good though. I seem to be getting more done in a day than i had in the past. Which leads me to my second mood.

2) Feeling the need to clean and straighten and reduce, reuse, recycle. AKA Spring Cleaning.

Now once again, those of you that truly know me, you know that I am a friggin pack-slob...which is a combo between a pack-rat and a slob. Hehe. I made that one up! But anyway. Today and yesterday, I actually cleaned out my bathroom shelves. I wanted to get rid of unused things. Whaaaaa???? So Now the shelves look clean, since I cleaned them, and organized, since I organized them. My next task tomorrow is to sort through our rolling cabinet thing. Perhaps I will even go buy a new rolling cabinet thing, since ours is mad broke. But I digress. Anyhoo. I have this need to get into spring cleaning and clean out things I am not using. I did it the last time my mom visited and threw out or got rid of a lot of stuff and made space in my cabinets for the junk that was overflowing.

I wonder though, whether I am getting the spring cleaning bug or if it is the nesting bug. I have the unborn one coming withing a few short weeks. So am I getting ready for it or what? When EJ was born, we were living with my parents and EJ lived out of a tupperware box for the first few months. We had limited space and really didn't have room to unload clothes and crap. Now we have a house with room. somewhat. Am I trying to get that house ready for my new baby cause I feel bad that EJ lived out of a box? Maybe. But the benefits are there. I'm getting a somewhat clean house and space for a baby. Plus I totally need to get rid of a lot of crap that we have and on't use. It is amazing how much junk you can amass over the span of eight years. I have trouble throwing stuff out, so that is even harder for me. Plus I keep acquiring it at the speed of light. Wooosh! There's another amazon shipment. PS - I think I am solely responsible for keeping amazon.com in the black for 2008.

So what to do what to do. Slowly but surely, clean and reduce clean and reduce. I'm going to donate as much as I can to churches and what not. My mom will take some of it for her ever present garage sale that she is having. My dad would never let her have one, and now, since he's dead, she figured this would be the way to honor him. Just kidding on that one, it was a stupid thing of my dad not to allow for a garage sale. Anything that is gross or left after those two options will be thrown out. Boy am I going to be making trips to the convenience station or what!

I feel the need to be cleaner and get into a better schedule. I think because the sun is shining more, and we can actually see grass. Also, I see the light at the end of the tunnel of my pregnancy. Only like seven more weeks to go, and after that I get my body back. Maybe I'll stop being bitchy by then. Hahahahahahah!

I feel like Sisyphus...

What a task that is set out before me. I can't walk in my living room because every square inch of the floor is covered by either :

a) a toy that has been thrown or played with
b) a book that has either been thrown or ripped (that one hurts the most, sports fans)
c) some sort of food, be it cheerios, goldfish or some other unrecognizable edible object
or
d) my child

The point of this being, why bother to clean it up. As soon as I put the books away, he goes right over to them and spills them again. IF I clean up stuffed animals, two minutes later they are being thrown behind the wood burning stove. Pointless I tell you, pointless. Now mind you, I have only ONE child currently, though another is attempting to make it's way into the world. But one child has so much crap that it fills an entire living room floor, and I have a pretty decent sized living room.

The issue here, is that if I feel this way about the living room, I end up feeling this way about the rest of the house too. And then all hell breaks loose. Perhaps it is just because I am travelling into my last few weeks of pregnancy. I feel no desire to do anything, especially something as Sisyphian as cleaning up the living room. But the kitchen could use a good cleaning. I could do some more laundry and I most definitely should clean up the spilled potting soil in the hallway before Derik gets home and bitches about it being there. But who has the energy or desire. I just want to sit and read romance novels....DOes this mean I"m depressed? Probably, since I don't get out of the house and I live in the Artice mother-f'ing north. Too hard and slipper outside. Blech. And when I do take the kid somewhere to get some fun and energy out, he ends up catching the mother-f'ing flu. Damnit. Oh and by the way, he just tipped over the recycling bing trying to throw something in the garbage. I can't fault him for trying, but I can heartily dislike him for making one more thing that I have to clean up.

I think sometimes that if I'd put him in daycare and worked full time my life would be easier. But then I'd miss him counting Cookie Monster's hands as he lays on the floor next to me while I type this blog. I miss him saying "bless you" when I sneeze and "scuse me" when he burps. That's right, bitches, he's not even two and he has manners...that's the kind of mom I am!

I guess I'm just a little down. I probably should go out and do something just to get out of the damn house. Maybe I'll go mall walk tomorrow...then take buck futter to lunch or something. Sounds good right? Then at least I'm not stuck in my hole of a house and I will be getting out more than to go to a dr's appointment. Plus, if we go out, he can't mess up the living room!

The "New" Administration

Seems like the teachers union is going to be Piossed! Barack Obama, in his infinite wisdom (sarcasm intended) has chosen to take them on in a sense. I read the article on yahoo.com, so I'm not real sure of it's authenticity or relevance, but Obama wants to institue merit pay for teachers who perform better than other teachers, or at least that's what I get from the article.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090310/ap_on_go_pr_wh/obama_education

What pisses me off most, is that the people who make these rules and come up with ideas to "improve" education have, most likely, never ever spent a day in a friggin classroom! WTF??? They don't seem to understand that it isn't the teacher who doesn't do their job. As a teacher, I can only do so much to motivate a child to do better. If that child doesn't have support at home where they are doing their homework and studying, what else can I do. Especially when I have to think about 25-30 kids per class at a time. I'm a secondary education teacher, and I will tell you that people in my position usually have a total of like 120 kids per year. So I'm supposed to make sure that each of these kids is performing above and beyond their potential just so that I can get the extra five grand that I should be getting anyway? Again, WTF????

Throwing money at a problem isn't going to solve it. The sneaky teachers will just find a way to skew results and make it look like their kids are doing better. The teachers that try their hardest but can't be sucessful for whatever reason are going to suffer. Money is not the answer! God! IT is soooo frustrating to see this happening in my lifetime. WE put all this money into programs like NASA ( 1 Billion granted to them from the stimulus package; that's right B-illion) who are already OVERBUDGET! I'd like to see Mars as much as the next person, but when our kids are failing school, our middle class is being laid off and more and more people are having to rely on food banks and charities it is time to reevaluate our quest for science and technology.

It seems like this administration's priorities are not in the right place. WE as a country need to focus on getting ourselves right again before we can move forward. Maybe that is too Republican in thinking, but what is a discovery on Mars going to do for us when we can't feed our people? What good will a new museum be if no one can afford to visit it because they dont' have the money for the gas to go to it? Let's right the economy, let's get people feeling more comfortable about their jobs and their money, then worry where to put the next museum to string.